totally unfair and unacceptable. The manipulation is way more than any child can even handle. My bio-dad was top in his class in manipulation. He would manipulate conversations so that you began to think badly of someone else in the family,
he would continue to convince me that everyone had a father forcing them to have sex with them, (yes I said the word), and he would continue to convince/manipulate me--that if I ever told, I would never see my Mother again. I was convinced, I was convinced that if I said one word, or had anyone thing that someting wasn't right, he would be too close.
The pain, the agony, and the grief. I went through it all. Survivors actully do suffer griefp---grief of the loss of the parent who is offending-- grief of the loss of childhood. Amazing What grief can do. Literally seperating my self from the moments, from the pain. I totally disconnected--if I act like everything is fine it will get better and will become "normal" or what is "normal" to me. The pain of what was happening to me followed me for many years of my life. I carried the hurt, the guilt (not only for me, but allowing this man to do this to my brother and my mother too), It hurts so bad and for many years hurt way to bad to forgive.
Thinking back, normal, does any of us really have normal? And telling or being up front with someone in my family
or an adult that I trusted---wasn't an option. I no out, there was no way that I could be upfront about this situation on the time. No way was I going to lose my brother or my mother-that wasn't an option. We make choices that seem like its the only
way possible at the time.
Forgiveness gave me healing, ability to close the chapter on my grief, I wanted to share this blurp that was written by Karen A. Duncan from April of 2010, enjoy, praying it will move your heart.
"Forgiveness and having a relationship with a sex offender is not one and the same. Forgiveness is personal, it is for you to decide and to feel. Forgiveness is the understanding that what the offender did to you was not your fault, that you did not cause this person’s criminal behavior and most importantly that the offending was wrong. Forgiveness comes from releasing yourself from the shame that you have carried for someone else’s behavior. The shame is not yours to carry. Forgiveness is cleansing and freeing. It brings a sense of hope, health and wholeness to your life. Forgiveness is your right to live free of the shame, guilt and burden of sexual abuse by another. Forgiving someone for sexual abuse takes time and is an integral part of healing, but most importantly forgiveness begins by forgiving yourself for not being able to stop the sex offender. It was not up to you stop this person, it was up to the person to stop their sexually abusive behavior."
Where are you at right now??? Praying for peace that passes all understanding.
Love you all, bless someone today.