As an adult that survived sexual abuse and incest for most of my childhood, there are many occasions when I wonder what life would be like if things went differently? Do you ever just sit and wonder? Do you ever ponder all the scenarios – reminds of the books I use to read where when you got to the end of the book you could pick ending A, B, or C...
Wouldn’t that be something….get to a situation and you could choose from door 1, 2, or 3. Be even better if we go through one door and don’t like it and can turn around and try again! Now that would be perfect!
I remember when everything came out and my Mother was devastated that she didn’t know what was going on….I remember her saying I should have never married that man. Got me thinking….I wonder….what if she wouldn’t have married him, I wouldn’t be here, or at least be this person. I wouldn’t have went through all I did as a child and young adult, but does that mean that my childhood would have been any different?
When you have abused---you also do a lot of wondering about what could have done differently. I remember thinking, if I didn’t act like I liked my father, if I would have not grown older, if I would have told, if I would have…….and as my grandfather would say---shoulda, coulda, shit! J For all of you out there that are still struggling with the battle of the wonder about what you did wrong or what you could have done right ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. NONE!! It’s a hard thing to get over, but you did nothing wrong, I want to especially make this clear for those that were abused as children—your abusers were adults, people in your family that knew were adults—they are at fault—they are to blame, they know better and should have never taken advantage of a child.
I remember confronting my bio-father about him abusing my brother (which I didn’t know about) and he swore to me that my little brother came to him wanting sex, wanting to watch porn, wanting to know about all of that, begging for it. WHATEVER----he was a child….you were the adult. THIS IS NEVER EVER EVER OKAY….So quit wondering about what you could have done differently to change what happened to you--- and know….ITS NOT YOUR FAULT.
I would wonder about a lot of things though (still do)….what my childhood would be like if there was no abuse, if I wasn’t a child of an Army officer. I wonder what it would have been like to have lived in the same place my entire life. I wonder what type of person would I be today if I hadn’t been through the hell that I was?
Truly I think that the abuse I went through helped shape me as a person, now that isn’t saying that I would repeat my childhood as it was, parts of it I would, but what would “ME” look like—if none of that happened?
I was actually laughing out loud at wondering if my parents weren’t who they were….
No gray hair, thin, very athletic, brainiac, oh it would be so fun to take all the qualities that you wanted and put yourself together, then wake up the next day a new person.
Wondering is fun…you can put a scenario together in your head and imagine. Imagination is something that we all need to do more often…as adults we often time spend it worrying about the here and now, worrying about the next bill, the next assignment at work, is the house clean, is the laundry done, this that and the other thing….what about just taking time to wonder, imagine, contemplate life.
Wonder what it would be like if you woke up tomorrow tackling a passion --- wonder and imagine if you stepped out of your comfort zone and did something wild and crazy….imagine what life could be like.
In Western Washington today, we were hit by a large storm, yes some of you from the East Coast and Midwest are laughing—that we would consider this much something a main event, but around here it is….but the snow did more for me…it made me remember years past-the good, the bad and the ugly--- it made me giggle like a little child, it made me think about what I am thankful for and it really made me wonder about all the things that I haven’t done, I haven’t thought about and I haven’t tackled.
I wonder at the end of every day if I said I love you to everyone who needed to hear it today, did I give a smile to someone I walked past that I didn’t know, did I pray for those having to go on the road today, did I take a couple minutes to call someone close to me that loves to get a phone call, did I text someone a hello today—just because.
Wonder is an amazing thing---it can take you places you have never been, or maybe places that you want to go back to, maybe being in a moment that was spectacular, or maybe receiving a little bit of love and attention from someone special in your life.
Wonder, amazement, miracle, phenomenon, splendor what are you wondering about tonight? Go to my homepage here...listen to Chris August's song 70x7 and wonder what would it be like to forgive, forgive something so unimaginable, forgive so that you can wonder about what your life will look like tomorrow when you wake up and the pain and the weight on your shoulders is gone....wonder and imagine your ULTIMATE FORGIVENESS!
Let me put this challenge out to each of you….take some time to wonder, to imagine, and to do something different….challenge yourself, step out and find you, your voice, and your passion….and love yourself and love people.
-With love, praying for lives to be changed!