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WHY ME

"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later." Romans 8:18

***Small addendum to this post, its 12:17am, I posted this about an hour ago, earlier tonight my Son was admament I read this article in his Biblical Choices book from School, the Article is called "Hymns about Him: "It IS Well With My Soul"  He asked me multiple times to be sure that I read it tonight.  That it has some terribly sad stuff in it, but in the end its good and he felt God talking to him through this article.  If your a typical parent, during the rush of the nighttime routine, you race around trying to get all the night stuff done and then breathe deep once the kids are in bed and go about your MOM or DAD time business.  But there was something different....tonight.  After I wrote out the blog post....I went to read and stopped and went back to the table to get this article he mentioned several times this evening.  To my SHOCK the subtitle of this article is "Bad Things DO Happen to Good People".  WOW Right after posting the post below.  The article is about Horatio Spafford, he wrote the hymn, "It Is Well With My Soul" in the 1800's.  Horatio went through horrific tragedy where in the end he had lost all of his family including his children -- only his wife and him were left.  Horatio went through "WHY ME" many, many times during the course of his battle of grief.  If you get a chance to check, out history on Horatio, it was quite interesting--and thank you Jaycob for making me stop and pay attention!!-----THINGS DO HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE...now on to tonight's blog.....(the words to the hymn are at the end of the blog post****

I hear this so often and I have said it myself.  WHY. Why me?  Why now? Why this, why that.  Have you ever asked the question "Why?" about something in your life?

Recently a dear friend's son went missing and then was found floating in Bellingham Bay--"WHY?" even more recently another friend 45 had a massive heart attack and passed away....more "WHY's" ??

As a little girl I can remember wondering "Why?".  Why would God allow someone to do these horrific things to a child.
My biological father went to Korea for a year.  That was an amazing year, we had so much fun, no worries, no pain, no walking on egg shells.  But I remember thinking when he came back that someone must have taken the good daddy and sent back a bad one.  I would pray that the bad one would go away forever.  And continuing to think "Why?" 

The horrific nights of him busting up the dinner table at Thanksgiving in front of my new boyfriend (one day to be husband).
The stalking--watching me from a distance in his car, pulling our large van over on the side of the road on the way home to do whatever he pleased, "WHY ME?"  Why was he so mean to my brother who didn't deserve to be treated so badly.  Even though I didn't know he was being beaten or sexually abused, why be so mean?  Why yell all the time??  (To this day, yelling, just gets the better of me...can't handle it all, I swoop up my kids and stuff and vacate!)  Why Why Why....but more than anything WHY ME? And why would God allow this to happen.  And the ultimate question:  "Why was I even born?"

You know in my search for peace I asked these questions a lot over and over as I am sure that many of you do over and over
as well.  God didn't allow anything to happen, it's human nature, it's being born in depravity.  We are humans we are going to fail some worse than others.  This isn't God allowing something to happen to me, its the depravity of a human that allows themselves to do such terrible things to another human being.

WHY---I will never know, but what I do know is that if I personally hadn't gone through what I have gone through in my life I wouldn't be the person that I am today.  I wouldn't have the strength nor the outlook on life that I have.  I know that God is using these experiences that I have been through, although horrific and terrible, he is using them in me to make me a better version
of me.  I know that if I hadn't been through the horrific sexual abuse from the time of a little baby to adulthood...I wouldn't be
able to share this story that, I am hoping, is helping others. 

Today my Aunt made a statement to me, and the "Why was I even born" question was answered:
She told me today that if my mother hadn't married my bio-dad and then had me, she said "I wouldn't have you in my life and what a loss that would be for all of us."--And there we go...the WHY ME solved, not that I am the end all to be all, but God is changing lives - to him be the glory.  Forgiving is a gift---allowing my WHY ME's to be answered and allowing me to live my life.

**Disclaimer---these are my personal thoughts and understandings of what I have been through....fyi....it's me talking here!
Love you all.
Praying for lives to be changed.

"IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL"

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows
   roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well,
   with my soul.


2. Refrain:
   It is well, with my
   soul,
   It is well, it is well, with my soul.


3. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest
   assurance control,
   That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath
   shed His own blood for my soul.


4. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
   My sin, not in part but
   the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord,
   praise the Lord, O my soul!


5. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me
   shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt
   whisper Thy peace to my soul.


6. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave,
   is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope,
   blessed rest of my soul!


7. And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be
   rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall
   descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.