It's interesting to me the different ways that you can use the word vulnerable. "Dare” to be vulnerable as
that is what it is. Letting another see what’s really going on inside of you is a scary thing for me to do at times.
The abuse at the hands of my bio-father shows me that things that I am vulnerable - things that I share, momre times than
not were used against me. If I dared shared that I was interested in someon, he would start using that as a weapon against me. I remember once--after having what seemed to be a normal conversation between father and daughter relating to relationships and boyfriends and girlfriends, I remember we were driving onto the military post in Germany where we lived at the time. I remember him saying as the guard passed us through, how the guard looked like someone I would be interested in and that maybe he should hook me up with the guard so that I would have what I wanted and that he can just watch. I remember thinking I am never going to tell you anything again. And pathetically enough, it was hair color we were talking about. During those years being vulnerable really came back to bite me and I learned quickly to steer far far away of ever say and or doing what was really going on in my head. If I said that I liked the color red, he would find something nasty and inappropriate to relate back to me stating I like red. Sounds simple, but in reality I was vulnerable in sharing things about me: hair color, colors, places--and he was very manipulative and calculated --where he would somehow relate thos tendencies of
his back to my interests or things that were on my heart.
I have learned over time that me being vulnerable can be a gift to others and a gift to myself. It is amazing seeing that which someone else is willing to reveal can be my biggest lessons. I can see how another has been affected in their journey and what its taken to get them from where they’ve been to a point where they can be vulnerable and let those hindrances, challenges, habits or fears show. Being taken advantage of during your vulnerability isn't right, nor is doing it to someone else. To be vulnerable is to embrace all the beauty of what we are.
I finally feel good in my own skin, if you will, I am finally ok that I didn't do anything wrong...and being vulnerable and sharing my life and my heart isn't going to get me what it use to, it can only be positive and healthy from here on out, because I choose to take control. My Ultimate Forgiveness-----sure broadened my spectrum in so many ways.
Vulnerability shows us what we need to look at, where we need to grow or something that needs to be lovingly addressed. Today I am not shamed by my vulnerability but proud of the growth I’ve made and the gift I have in sharing it with someone. Today that someone is you.
Love you all.
Praying for lives to be changed, abused or not abused--maybe you can glean something from my ramblings :)