a : to rely on the truthfulness or accuracy of : believe <trust a rumor>
b : to place confidence in : rely on <a friend you can trust>
c : to hope or expect confidently <trusts that the problem will be resolved soon>
Rely, believe, confidence, hope........ As a survivor of child abuse, the ability to TRUST is one of the most damaged traits in your life. Someone close to you violated everything about you -- raped you, beat you down emotionally, maybe beat you down physically; Over and over, repeatedly, then the trust is destroyed. No matter who the perpetrator is they have the authority in a child's life to control and manipulate. They make promises and then those promises are destroyed. They promise that they will protect you and that they love you and that they will never let anything bad happen, but yet they are the one person that is doing all the things that they promise that they aren't going to do. And yet -- they do them, they destroy everything that you are, everything that the child had going for them. They take away their innocence and they strip away the spirit deep in the soul of that little one, 2 years old, 8 years old, 16 years old....doesn't matter the age of the child -- all rays of hope and peace are taken away.
Trust.....the ability to hope --- all hope is taken -- children begin to think that this is the best that it is ever going to be. Guess I have to do what I am told, I have to put up with being treated this way...especially when they are being threatened not to even speak a word of what is going behind the closed doors. Children don't know what to do with those emotions, those feelings, or what they are being. Why don't we allow children to drink and drive at the young age of 10 or even 14 for that matter.....children are not equipped with the tools and the maturity to deal with life at that level....and this is where the pedophiles, molestors, perpetrators-->fathers, mothers, brothers, cousins, neighbors, coaches, clergy, etc.....that is why they take advantage and prey on the innocent. Children are born innocent and pure of hate and pain and life --> and these people completely strip them of all that.
Trust...Abuse survivors deal with the deepest of trust violation, which came from those who are supposed to genuinely care about our feelings. The pain of having to deal with that disappointment may make a survivor wonder if they can ever trust again. I know it has me. There are very few and I mean few that know the true and the raw me. Opening up and sharing -- hoping to not get hurt, not feel pain, not to lose someone important to you -- not easy. There was a time, when no one knew the real me. Trust....what a small word, but it has such big meaning to our lives.
The scars never seem to go away. But they start to heal. Struggling to have healthy relationships - will ever be a problem. BUT the scars can heal and we learn to trust little by little -- but first coming to the realization that we didn't deserve what was handed to us. I have said it before, that what I have been through over the years has made me who I am today, but that road hasn't been easy. I will never complain about the road that I have been on or the elephants that were dropped on the road along the way, but let me tell you, there has been a lot of elephants dropped :)
But what I will say is that I am thankful for the few that I can trust, that I can truly be the raw/pure me. The ones that can see through my eyes and into my heart, and for being there always.
To you survivors out there -- open your heart little at a time and you will know who to trust and who to not -- you too can have a great life! Make the most of what you have, using what you have learned. What I have learned is to take this life one day at a time, because nothing is forever.
Praying for lives to be changed.
Love all around.