I was withdrawn most of the time. I was active, scouts, sports, school and friends. But I was very surface. No one really knew me and to this day I am not the easiest person to break through the walls of.
I read some words this week that finally say what I have been wanting to say for some time. For all those in my life that don't get me, for everyone who care and aren't sure how, for the times that I have let you down and not come through, for hte moments where I shut you out, for the times where I can't explain why I handled things the way I do...maybe just maybe these explanations will help fill in the blanks, even if just slightly. I NEVER use my abuse as a crutch, I have worked hard to have the life that I have, I have tried not to take advantage of anyone or anything. There are things that are in me that are inherent, that aren't easy to break and that I can't seem to always explain. Maybe, just maybe this will fill in the gaps.
What it means to know a girl who has lived through trauma:
"A girl who has lived through trauma has lived through a situation where her body, her mind, her self was not her own. Where she felt disjointed, ripped from her self, safey and sanity. It was a moment, an experience, a something where her trust was smashed, her worth was gone and all there was was pain.
A girl who has lived through trauma is the girl who was pushed into the deep end of the pool when she didn’t know how to swim, but somehow found her way to the ledge anyway. She walked through a forest fire and didn’t succumb to the smoke, but dealt with the burns and made it out in spite of the flames. She found herself in free fall but refused to break upon impact.
She survived. She did."
SHE survived, SHE DID.
Thank you 'Thought Catalog', for the article.