Fear

Today I posted a question on a couple of Abuse and Incest boards that I am a member of, to see what people thought of the word FEAR.

I had so many responses.  It was very interesting.  Everyone perceives things differently.  It was interesting to hear so many different people's perceptions of fear, some said fear of the dark, of men, of older men, of women, of being mean to others, fear of not being spoken to when someone finally knew what happen to them, fear of having children, fear of becoming a pedophile after being abuse, fear or the light, fear of the dark, fear of love, fear of life, fear of themselves, fascinating what fear mean to others.

I have felt many of those fears.  What I have found is through my healing process I have found that my fears have changed, evolved, and differed over the years.  What I was fearful of at 16--being stalked and watched, not being able to take a shower without being watched through the keyhole....those types of fears are different than the fears I experience now.....

I remember having the fear of seeing my biological father for the first time in the court room, after not seeing him for many weeks.  That was a fear!  I remember when he got out of prison and the fear of seeing him somewhere in public.  I remember the fear of driving down the street.  I remember the fear of my children somehow being seen by him.  The fears don't seem to go away -- they just evolve and I have evolved.  I have learned how to deal with the fears that I deal with on a regular basis.

Tonight I went to a networking event, which intrigues me, since I seem as though I can meet and talk to strangers easier by the day, but I was a nervous, a complete fear of something new.  But it was good and met more great people.  Facing those fears head on makes all the difference in the world, but it is not easy.  Fears hold us back, they inihibit us from being ourselves, they stop us of from trying new things.  

Fear prevents us from loving those that need it the most, fear stops us from saying what we need to say, fear prevents us from allowing ourselves to be loved, to love others, to tackle new adventures, fear prevents us from learning and developing the real us.  Fear can really hold you back from living your life. 

My fears now.... fear of not being the real me, fear of not giving enough of myself to others, and the fear of not being the best version of me that I can be.

I battle myself everyday...what did I do that day to impact someone's life in a positive fashion?  I really feel that I went through my personal hell so that I can help others, so that I may give of myself to others and really help others find themselves and find their voice.  My morning prayer everyday is, let me learn something new and let me do or say something to impact someones life postiviely each and every day.  I also have a grand fear that my time on earth is going to be over one day and that I would have not had the chance to do all that I needed to do and say all that I needed to say.  So I have decided to tackle all of that head on....and make sure that i would have no regrets when my times comes---that I would say the important stuff everyday to those I love and to those I don't know, that I would tackle each day as an opportunity to do something great, without tooting my horn.

Fear......utilizing my fears.....so that I can make sure I say I love you every day to those in my life (wether they get tired of hearing it or not).  That I would look at everday as an opportunity to learn something new and that I would take everyday to try and be a blessing to someone each and everyday.  Tackling my fears and worries head on, by addressing them and preventing them from controlling my life.  You can do it to.

This is my way of tackling my fears....becoming the best version of me.....utilizing my fears to help others.

What are your fears, how can you grab them by the horns and utilize them to help you....help you find the real you, find your voice, and find your ultimate forgiveness.  This isn't just about fears relating to child abuse or incest, but fears relating to anything, your job, a disease, fears of your family, fears of who you really are, fears of meeting new poeple, fear of anyu

With love, praying for lives to be changed! 
-P