Brave and Unbroken
Incest & Child Sexual Abuse Prevention - Lifting Humans Authenticity - Lifting Voices of the Silenced   -      Follow me
  • Home
  • Podcast
  • Education
    • Antiracism
    • Published Writings
    • Media
    • BLOG
  • Resiliency
    • Be LOUD Movement
    • 7433 Days of Silence
  • Resources
    • Books for Children & Families
    • Signs of Child Sexual Abuse
    • For Teens - Internet Safety
    • For Kids Only
    • Non-offending Parent Resources
    • Disclosure? What next?
  • Shop

Bottled-up

3/12/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture

Picture
Today I was asked a question that really stirred inside my soul, "Why do women keep their anger in?"

I started at a broad spectrum view, then drilled town to a personal level.  I despise using my abused background as the root of all that I explain, but as I have learned from years of therapy, is that even though I have come a long ways, there are some things that I have inherently learned, although some I have worked through and away from, others I have not.

This topic was a stinger, I know what I do, I know that I push the anger and emotions down, way down and access them rarely. I push it all down: anger, pain, being scared, hurt and I sometimes even the inability to feel happiness.  

I grew up having to be everything but me. I had to hide everything that I was feeling all the time.  I was the best, the best little actress you ever did meet.  I was able to be who everyone needed me to be. I had to keep the peace, I had to maintain my childhoodness with my friends - just to assure that no one would catch on.  I had to make sure that my mom was happy with him and that there was no riffs between them.  He made me promise, kept saying that their marriage depended on me and keeping him happy.  

I had to protect my little brother, well as much as I could, even though I really wasn't able to protect him much at all.  I had to make sure our extended family never caught on.  I had to assure that life proceeded as normal.  Whatever "normal" was.  

I would cry myself to sleep, I would be scared that something bad was going to happen to my mother or my brother.  I would be angry and mad that he was doing this to me and telling me what he was telling me.  I was furious - but there was nothing I could do.  If I wanted to have my mom and my brother in my life...everything had to continue as it always had.

I was good - I would keep it all hidden.  If things became too much I would go to my room, or soccer or girl scouts or school and I would be in another world for a little while. 

It was my duty to get distant and quiet - never angry.  To this day I struggle sharing my true feelings, afraid that I am going to rock the boat, anger someone or hurt someones feelings.  

I believe that this is the case for many - women and men alike.  We grow up in a society of being happy, making due and never sharing our emotions inside the walls of our spaces, let alone outside those walls - out in the world.

This is an ongoing fight - a struggle - the inability to choose me and feel the hard stuff, the feel all the feels, to truly give permission to myself to be me.  The fight continues - and a challenge to all - take the bottle top off and let it all go - fully and in the moment.  You are strong, you are beautiful and you are allowed to be exactly who you are.

 Find your voice....we all want to hear it.
#loveyoself  #neverthelessshepersisted #persisterhood
​"Being quiet and hidden, is no longer an option." - Pennie Saum

0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    February 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    September 2019
    April 2019
    November 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    November 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2015
    November 2014
    September 2013
    February 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    September 2012
    July 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011

​RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline
T: 1.800.656.HOPE
Online Hotline: RAINN Online Hotline

Brave and Unbroken Project is a registered 501(c)3 non-profit. EIN: 85-1100566