Part 1 of this topic is walking on egg shells around the volatile family members. Volatile behaviours are not healthy and they shouldn't be overlooked. I have done this all my life, first was my abuser - Don. Always making sure that I was doing just what he wanted so that he didn't yell at my brother or scream at my mother. I wanted to assure that he didn't throw another food dish across the table during a holiday meal and bust up any more of my mothers' collectibles she purchased on a road trip to Venezia, Italy. Making sure I walked on egg shells with him, so that his threat "you will never see your mother again" would never ever would come true.
I did this for over 18 years of my life. Pretty much till Don was put away behind bars and finally - or at least I thought finally - my egg shell walking career would be over. But that wasn't the case. I was scared to say what truly needed to be said. I was taught, even if it were advertently, that walking on egg shells was a lifestyle. I was good at it most of the time. Then my brother was in trouble, in and out of jail and the reality of his words and comments and behaviors to his family were unbearable.
My mom wanted to protect him, just as we had always done. She didn't want him to have to hear the reality of his behaviour the pain, the hurt. I was so tired of being treated badly and the behavior being excused, no one addressing the true issue at hand that I finally spoke up. He needed to hear the reality of his behavior. He needed to know that we only heard from him when he was in jail and we knew that, he needed to know that he was selfish and heartless and cared about no one but himself, he needed to hear that we were sick and tired of being treated like third rate citizens.
He had participated in his behavior for so long that I don't think he even realized how he was treating people and that is absolutely no excuse. He was raised a bit entitled, to be honest, Don was mean and my mom protected Cory. In doing so and giving him everything that she could, in protecting him from reality, in not addressing how he treated people - it continued and his behavior continued to get worse.
Stand up - for your family - stand up because you care about the person that is volatile and out of line. Do not do like our family and be miserable WALKING ON EGG SHELLS - this isn't a good way to live.