I have drafted 22 posts since the last time I posted, but most of them--not important, just rambling :)
So...we come to today, March 15th.
I have always been taken by doors. Traveling around Europe multiple times, I have grown to love doors. Especially overseas. There are fascinating doors everywhere you turn. It hit me today as I was surfing Pinterest for door pictures, that all the doors around the world---is the similar idea to doors that open in our lives.
I started thinking about all the doors that I have had the chance to knock on....how many times the door was cracked for me and I didn't open it, I didn't jump through, I didn't take the leap. How many times did I get the chance through my childhood to tell someone about the abuse....how many times did I not speak up?! I can think of so many times the door was cracked---the right opportunity to spill the beans, share the secrets, let is all out---but I never leaped, I never took the opportunity.
My abuser, the Army Chief Warrant officer - top security clearance - college graduate - had me convinced that if I ever told ANYONE that I would never see my mother or brother again - and that he would be taken away for a long long time. The only thing that he was right about is that he went away - but not for a long long time...since he got 17 years and only had to serve 11. I thought for sure that if I ever spoke to anyone that he was going to kill us all. He never threatened that, but I knew that he was capable of it. So because of that I never ever told - ever. Even at the end, when my brother told - It took me another couple of days to admit it. He had total control over us.
I keep thinking of all the children and women or even men who are being abused right this moment. How many of them have been given an opportunity to speak up? How many of them were in a position where they could have spoken up and didn't. All because of the power that an adult has over them....manipulators, calculated, evil, crazy people. They are in control. They have the abused convinced that something bad will happen if they speak up.
During my processing and working through all that has happened - I realized that no one has that control over me any more....those fears of driving down the road that he is following me or is tracking me, or watching me all the time. He is out of prision, but realizing he can't hurt me anymore...I was able to work through my fear and anxiety and realize I was safe.
All of you need to do the same thing.....you are safe, you can no longer be harmed...and if your working through things, haven't talked to anyone, need help, find someone you trust or message me.... -Pyou too can find your VOICE and your ULTIMATE FORGIVENESS.
There are doors that are being opened for you.... don't have any regrets....leap through one...and be the difference in your life.
praying for lives to be changed.
love to all