...to continue to exist; last
My childhood had some of the best and some of the worse times of my life. My biological father sexually and emotionally abused me from infancy (he confessed to) till I was 18 years of age. There were many days I would contemplate..."Why me". Well it wasn't just me, he was abusing other as well. My brother, my mother and a couple of my cousins. He played games--terrible horrific games, he touched a child in ways a child should never experience, he talked to me like an adult, he was horribly horrific in every sense of the imagination. Sneaking into my room at night when everyone else in the house was asleep, threatening and violent, he had total control over my life. Intercourse began at a very early age. Sex wasn't talked about in our home, so to have this going on in secrecy -- as a young child -- and being told that if anyone ever finds out that you won't see your mother again -- is way too much for a child. This was a person that was suppose to protect me, love me, and show me what life was about -- but not at this level.
My biological father was a decorated Army soldier and ex-Marine. He was smart, he was educated, and was highly calculated, manipulative, and violent. No one suspected him, no one. In 1994 he was convicted and sentenced to 17.5 years in prison. He served 11 of those years. I don't remember a time that there wasn't abuse. I don't remember there being a good time -- where he was involved.
The best year of my childhood is when he was stationed in Korea for a year. There was no worries, no sleepless nights, no lies, I got to be a kid. He was manipulative, calculated, violent -- he was a master at what he did.
Now my life is no longer controlled by him..... I just want to share that you can have a life too. That you can LIVE and THRIVE! There are days when it is still so fresh and painful and overwhelming. Times when I wish I could go back and get some of my childhood back. Then there are many other days that are just normal everyday days. My life has involved a lot of hard work. So many things are learned when you are being abused and they aren't as easy to work through or change. I want you to know you are valuable, you are worthy of a good life and you aren't to blame!
This has been my dream for quite sometime.....to find my VOICE and share my story so that other survivors can realize that they are survivors, to help seekers find their VOICE, and to help those that are ready to LIVE. Not just survivors of childhood abuses/incest, but anyone who hasn't found their voice, their dreams, or their life.
This is my hope and sending good thoughts for each and everyone of you.
Contact me : Pennie
Let's Stop the silence
One of the hardest things of being a childhood abuse/incest survivor is talking about it. Funny part is once you do, you can't stop. There are so many people in our lives that are silent and have never spoke of the terrible, horrific things that happened to them. It amazes me daily how many people start talking when they hear a story simliar to theirs.My hope and prayer is that from this site and our
facebook page--you will find YOUR VOICE. No shame, no more pain, just pure and heartfelt love.
Finding your voice isn't just about child abuse/incest....all experiences of life deserve a voice....you never know when YOUR VOICE will impact someone's life.
Here to help you find YOUR VOICE!!
Email me - If you would like to share your story, ask me a question or connect please email me here: